Sounds like your friend’s self-esteem is in the crapper. Also sounds like she ain’t much of a friend. Burns are one thing. They’re given with an understanding that you’re gonna be burned back eventually. What your friend’s doin’ doesn’t sound like burns but assholery.
She’s a master of using her own tactics, so trying to turn ‘em around on her probably won’t work. She’s pushin’ other people down to make herself feel taller. You gotta take yourself outta the game, man. Either by saying “Sayonara” to her as a friend or by acting like you don’t give a shit about what she does.
She gets off on your anger, on the reactions she’s gettin’ from you. Once you stop givin’ value to her B.S., then she won’t find any value in talkin’ crap about you—and she’ll move onto the next person.
One thing you can do when she’s sayin’ stuff about you is give yourself somethin’ else to focus on. Repeatin’ something to yourself (in your skull) like, “I choose not to give her B.S. value,” while she’s flappin’ her lips will deprive her of your energy. She’ll notice you’re not payin’ attention to her, and she’ll try harder to get you notice … until she eventually gives up.
This won’t take a day. It may take weeks or even months before the message is received. And even if she doesn’t quit it, you’ll probably be close to not caring about what she says anymore—and either way, you win. It ain’t really about what she’s sellin’—it’s what you’re buyin’.
I give a couple of classes at my Dojo of Coolness on this kind of thing. Maybe you’ll find ‘em helpful
Advanced Winning and Losing